Archive for the ‘Libertarianism’ Category

h1

How Excited Was I? I Bought Two T-Shirts.

3 May, 2007, Thursday

American citizens who are fed up with the noxious stream of pandering bullshit that flows through the bleached teeth of campaigning politicans were dealt a major blow today when stand-up comic, Doug Stanhope, announced that he is withdrawing his bid to become the Libertarian presidential candidate in ’08.

From his website:

    The Federal Election Commission proved insurmountable in their spiderweb of legal fingerfucking. The idea that I could run an effective campaign rested on the fact that I tour constantly for a living and have a built-in audience and media wherever I go. FEC rules would not allow for me to campaign at paid gigs while also retaining a personal income from those shows.

    If I can’t recruit from my shows, I’m about as effective as standing on a milk crate in the city park.

    Even our crafty attempts at creating our own loopholes in the laws – like jailhouse attorneys trying to invent and employ makeshift last-minute defenses – still came up short in the face of the Federal Election Commision.

    The system is set up to keep the two-party monopoly as free from competition as possible. The penalties for fucking up with FEC rules make IRS penalties look like fetish spankings and I fuck up quite a bit.

    The other problem was simply in making the whole thing fun. The more rules, paperwork and bullshit we’d run into the less creative and funny it was becoming. The process started to feel like when we had to “clean it up” for the Man Show – and we all know how well that worked out.

Indeed we do.

Still, I am seriously fucking wrecked over this. The idea of Stanhope, a man who is brutally honest and as raw as a gaping wound, seriously entertaining a run for president was sheer beautiful lunacy.

It carried the promise of an entire YEAR of guaranteed hilarity and hijinks and it would have given the Libertarian party a bit of much-needed celebrity pizzazz.

Just think of the might-have-beens…

Ah well, onward and upward, fellow disaffected citizens! And one last one for the road on this sad day in America:

Advertisements