If There Is Hope, It Lies With The Stoner Goofballs

2 February, 2007, Friday



Occasionally I regret my decision to never watch cable news.  This is one of those times.

The reporters at the press conference with the Rastafarian Terror Cell  in Boston pleaded to be taken seriously as they pelted these two giggling goofballs with questions. Questions that demanded answers for a city-wide panic over several scattered Lite Brites displaying a figure flipping the middle finger, and a TV show about a talking meatball.   

 Ah, sometimes life in America is so beautifully absurd that it’s all I can do to keep from falling to my knees and weeping with joy.

We are reminded at every turn that the world is a dangerous place, and that every American has got a bullseye directly in the middle of his or her chest. From Mexican crop harvesters and cleaning ladies who are stealing our jobs, to the paranoid sideways glances we give Middle Easterners boarding our planes, to the wicked and tempting trans fats that lie in wait to attack our arteries.  Scary monsters lurk everywhere.

If we compare our existence to some of the very real hell-holes that are scattered around our planet, we sound really indulgent and pussified to be so fearful. But we never think of it that way. All we see are grand spectacles of falling towers and heart attacks and we tremble, knowing that it could happen to us.

And so, as those two guys stood before the cameras and reporters, laughing and mocking the absurd and farcical situation they found themselves in, they were chastised for not showing the proper respect to fear.

Now, granted, I’ve never been struck with terror at the sight of a Lite Brite, so perhaps I’m incapable of grasping the enormity of the situation, but I found their reaction brilliant.

It brought me to mind of being in high school, when authority and all it’s ridiculous rules were treated with the disdain and mockery that it deserved. It reminded me of a time in America when laughing in the face of full-on lunacy was permitted. It reminded me of fun.

Can anyone who’s paying the slightest attention actually say they’re having much fun these days?

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself, indeed.

Reason Magazine’s excellent summary nails it with a gun.



  1. This fear is a manufactured one, to cow the people to agree whatever the government wants to do.

  2. Let’s just hope that The New Amerika could see its own reflection in the mirror those two boys were holding up as they spoke.

  3. Lite Brite is scary man. Fear it. If they actually going to trial I will be organizing a group to go to the courthouse bearing litebrites and placards…hopefully nobody will think we are terrorists.

  4. Right on!

  5. Bunch of idiots, anyone who would actually think that what these two did was harmless. They have just showed to the terrorist organizations of the world just how easy it is to cause damage to infrastructure of not just a city but of an entire country. At first I saw the light in this matter that it was indeed a guerilla marketing ploy gone bad but the fact that these two idoits portrayed it into a bg joke and conducting a hair interview after their arraignment definelty sealed my opinion into something much different.

  6. You are demanding accountability from, and placing blame on, the wrong people, Joe.

    If anything about that event “showed the terrorists” our vulnerabilities, it was nothing those two young men did.

    Unless you’re in favour of making sarcasm and mockery
    a crime.

    It was the officials in Boston who responded badly. And it was them who created the panic. If anything has been jotted down in our enemies’ notepads, it is certainly that.

  7. You know what Joe, you are the idiot. You feel justified in calling all of us names because we have the courage to look at this event with eyes free of the tyranny of fear.

    It is people like you that allow their fear to dictate their opinion that I’m afraid of. Screw the terrorists, screw the government that promotes fear. Both sides are using fear to manipulate people to their agenda.

    Chew on that if you are capable, although I doubt it.

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