Archive for January, 2007

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The Bright Spot In Biblical Inconsistency

29 January, 2007, Monday

…is that it has created a space for the following to exist.

Director Brian Keith Dalton (who also stars as Mr. Deity) has created a series of really clever short films on YouTube that highlight the holes in God’s plan as he creates the universe.

The videos are amazingly polished and have an almost NBC-on-Thursday-night feel to them. But NBC or any major network wouldn’t dare touch ’em with a barge pole. And that’s why the Internet is going to kick TV’s ass.

Regardless, we will certainly be seeing much more from this talented group of guys. And I can’t wait.

Mr. Deity Episode 1: Mr. Deity and the Evil

Mr. Deity Episode 2: Mr. Deity and the Really Big Favor
Mr. Deity Episode 3: Mr. Deity and The Light
Mr. Deity Episode 4: Mr. Deity and the Messages

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Devastated

28 January, 2007, Sunday

The Internet giveth and the Internet taketh away.  
 
I lift my mourning veil to write this post.

Some nosie nancy just couldn’t leave well enough alone and hounded out the ‘true’ identity of Donnie Davies.   Turns out, he’s just an improv performer

Bastards. 

RIP Donnie Davies. Youth pastor. Reformed homosexual. Moral crusader.

You were too beautiful to exist in our world.

(cue taps)

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Christian Rocks Hard In A Pink Shirt (and, sadly, no ascot)

24 January, 2007, Wednesday

Ladies and Gentleman, I am excited about this faaaabulous new musical talent!

Donnie Davies is a man who used to know his way round the butt plug and anal beads aisle at the Porn Empornium.    But all that changed after he was filled with the stickiest man-goo the world has ever known: God’s love.   

Now he’s a crusader fighting against sin, a beacon of hope to afflicted men who want to make the gay go away, and a brilliant lyricist with a knack for powerful imagery:

Read the Bible
and you’ll be sure
to enter heaven
there’s no back door
Righteous man
get on your knees
there lies no virtue
in sodomy

From his website:   

I’ve been researching for many years now and feel I’ve come up with a very strong program to help cure people of Homosexuality. Its called the C.H.O.P.S program and We’re running full steam ahead with it. C.H.O.P.S stands for:

  • C: Changing
  • H: Homosexuals
  • O: (into) Ordinary
  • P: People

Oscar Wilde, my hero, was a reformed homosexual. He went to prison for his sins. Once he was alone with his thouhgts, in jail, he saw the errors of his ways and repented. He died as a Christian. While I’m not advocating jailing all Homosexuals, I do think it would benefit them greatly. It would be for their own good. When a person is forced to think they will generally be able to see their problems and solve them by themselves.

Okay, so he’s not very hip to the sort of activity that men get up to in the clink, but whatever, let’s not quibble and spoil his message of compassion and tolerant Christian guidance. Besides he clearly says he’s not for jailing ALL homosexuals and that is more than decent.

Christian soccer moms, if your son is showing an unhealthy interest in the theatrical arts or fashion, go grab the li’l mincing sodomite and huddle with him round the speakers and let Donnie’s beautiful song set him straight.

The rest of you, just enjoy. And then repent for all that ass fucking.

(If YouTube pulls the video, see it here. And if that link doesn’t work, my god, search for it. You must see it to believe it.)

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A Bit Of Outdated War Propaganda

22 January, 2007, Monday

From WWII, Donald Duck is encouraged by the government not to spend his hard-earned money on Friday night floozies but instead save it for taxes. Taxes to Fight The Axis!

Interesting that it’s now 60 years later, we’re involved in an even greater conflict, taxes are through the roof, and our president keeps telling us to spend our money.

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Jade Goody – The Most Perniciously Evil Person In The Whole World. Ever.

21 January, 2007, Sunday

Thanks to UKNova, I’ve been watching Celebrity Big Brother since the season started two and a half weeks ago. Jade Goody was completely unknown to me then, but I certainly know who she is now. So do the cabinet members in the governments of both England and India.

Aren’t we going just a smidgen overboard on this poor, ignorant gutter snipe? I just saw her interviewed on News of the World and I was waiting for her to start flagellating herself, so overwhelmed and devastated is she by the outcry from the “enraged” public (who, I think, have too much spare time on their hands).

People are so dumb. Give them a front row seat to any international atrocity on their evening news and they might care enough to say “tsk tsk, what a shame”. But show them a beautiful, privileged Indian woman being picked on by a loud, inarticulate, girl who is not beautiful on a TV show about social interaction and they can’t get to the phones quick enough to voice their outrage. Sheesh.

Could it be that this is why the Middle East has been aflame all these years? Lack of a toll-free number to dial?

For what it’s worth, I can’t stand Shilpa, either. She comes across as manipulative and scheming and -Jade was absolutely right about this- fake as hell.

During a discussion in the house when she was asked when she lost her virginity, she evaded the question – which is perfectly within her right to do. But in explaining how her culture is very conservative about sexual matters, she actually lowered her voice to a whisper and changed her expression (remember, she is a professional actress) to one of embarrassment when she mouthed the word “sex”.

Now, I have heard this woman on mic saying “fuck” and “shit” more than once since she’s been in the house. It was just a ridiculous and completely contrived display of modesty. I find her nauseating.

And if I hear her say “Never in my whole life has anyone ever spoken to me like dat.” after a disagreement one more time, I will throw my fucking moniter out the window.

This woman is over 30 years old and has never had anyone give her shit before? Oh my stars, if anyone needs a dose of reality, it is her.

Jade Goody gave it to her, and is now being unfairly crucified for it.

A question to all those calling for Jade’s head: What punishment will fit her crime? Do you want to see her bankrupt? Maybe working in a chip shop? Is that enough of a comedown? What about if some nutjob gets himself all worked up over the hysteria and goes out and attacks her physically, can she then be forgiven for the heinous crime of making fun of a person’s last name?

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Creative Drooling

12 January, 2007, Friday

Generally speaking, I’m a big fan of men.      I like the way they think and I love talking to them.    

The vast majority of the women I meet are well-versed only in topics relating to family. It’s either about their boyfriend/husband/children; their desire to have a boyfriend/husband/children; or they are angry with their boyfriend/husband/children and want to bitch.  

Because I am a woman, they usually assume that I share their desires for domestic completion. However, I can endure only so much talk from a woman about her children’s exploits before I want to rip my hair out of my head and shove it down her neck.

Men are more worldly, and even the most knuckle-draggingest of neanderthals can be counted on to have at least a few opinions about current events, or reasonably interesting tastes in music or movies. And I appreciate that.

There are only two conversational areas in which men lose me. One is sports. The other is hot babes.

Like, I’m a huge fan of Howard Stern – but when he goes on and on and on and on and on about some ‘smoking hot broad’ in his studio, it drives me insane. “Okay, okay – we get it – you want to stick your penis inside her. Will you please move on to something more interesting!”, I scream at the radio.  

I understand there is that fundamental difference between men and women – men think about sex every 3 seconds while women think about shoes and chocolate. But still, how interesting can it be for anyone, even another man, to listen to someone drool about a sexy woman for more than a minute or so? I mean, there’s only so much you can say until you start repeating yourself and boring the fuck out of anyone within earshot.

This guy found another angle.

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The Fox News Channel’s Saturday Night Super Fun Time Satire Show

12 January, 2007, Friday

It was announced and talked about far and wide at the end of November: a show in the satiric style of The Daily Show slanted for a right-wing audience that would air in late January.

“Yay! It’s about time!” hollered the perpetually beleaguered losers in the war of pop culture, the conservatives.

“It will never fly.” sniffed the liberals, calmly stroking their ‘Stewart/Colbert in ’08’ T-shirts against their cheeks.

And now, a month and 1/2 later, nothing.   Not a word.   I couldn’t find any recent mentions anywhere on the web.

In an industry where pre-air buzz is critical, this flat-lining is not a very encouraging sign.  

I was (am) really looking forward to seeing it. I’m sure it would have been (will be?) hilarious – but for all the wrong reasons.

Come on, Fox!   Get that beautiful catastrophe on the air – your public awaits!