A Simple Stunning Fact Staring Us Right In The Face

29 September, 2008, Monday

If you listen to the AM Talk Radio hatemongers (which I do – to keep tabs), all of our societal and governmental ills are a direct result of liberalism and the Godless sodomite Democrats.

But I just realized something startling: in the last 40 years there have been a grand total of 2 Democratic presidents. Two! I am blown away by that! I think the seething, over-the-top hatred of Liberals that’s been rampant in our country in the wake of Clinton has really done a number on my perspective. Simple chronological facts don’t quite grab a person’s attention like the typical Ann Coulter book title.

So we’ve had 28 years of Republican rule versus 12 of Democratic. And 6 of the last 8 years were an absolutely unopposed free-for-all for Republicans to make this country into the Conservative Utopia that they’ve wanted since the 60’s.

And we find ourselves unimaginably fucked. We are so fucked that we don’t even yet KNOW how fucked we are. They failed. Spectacularly.

Yet Hannity and Limbaugh et al, are, of course, telling their moronic listeners that this is all the fault of the Democrats. And John McCain is blaming Barack Obama (which is OUTRAGEOUS!!). And Sarah Palin is, of course, being prepped to blame Barack Obama when she debates on Thursday night.

The fact that these people would lie and play this sort of bitterly partisan politics at this frightening moment in our nation’s history is just….well, I am now officially of the opinion that Republicans (yes, blanket statement – complete unapologetic generalization) are just dispicable human beings. Seriously.

How in the world did the Democrats ever let them steal the moral high ground?

Because they certainly think they have it. On one of my trips out canvassing for Barack Obama, I stopped at one lady’s house and she said she was going to vote for John McCain because: “Republicans fall more in line with my morals.”

She said it softly and patronizingly (because, knowing The Light and The Way, as she does, she is superior to me), and she went on to sing the praises of Sarah Palin.

I smiled and did not say what I was thinking: So, lying and cheating and covering up your mistakes with more lies runs in your family, does it?

People like this woman are over the moon about the idea of Sarah Palin ascending to the White House! It doesn’t matter that she would wreak havoc on this planet like Godzilla over Japan, because at least she would do so having never had an abortion. And that’s what’s important.

Ugh. I can not even entertain the mere thought of Obama not winning this election and that’s what my mind is doing the longer I sit here and write. So I’m going to go and get ready for bed and watch a wholesome decent program like Family Guy (the creator of which, Seth MacFarlane, is a fine, upstanding atheist; and a man who’s fetus I would be PROUD to abort!)

Tomorrow is another day and the fight goes on! And remember: since 1969, FIVE (!) Republican presidents to two Democrat. If you wanna go back to Lincoln, there’s been 17 Republicans to 10 Democrat. 90 years Republican VS 60 years Democratic.

All those years of “leadership” and the party has reached a point where they have absolutely nothing good or positive to claim as their own. The only thing they have left is lies and ugy, desperate attacks. Conservatives, join the Libertarians and just let the Republican party die. Give it over to the Jesus freaks and let them run it into the ground.


They Are Trying To Do It Again

23 September, 2008, Tuesday

Read this. Or don’t. You don’t really have to – you’ve heard it all before.

It’s just another Republican whining (and using italics to the point of annoyance) about all the hatred directed at Sarah Palin. He thinks people hate her because she’s small-town and folksy. And that argument has grown so boringly tedious and is so flatly WRONG that it’s not even worth the time to dissect it. So what-the-fuck-ever, I don’t care, *yawn* *stretch*, Jon Stewart is on in 20 minutes, is there any arugula left?

But the Republican did write one thing that I found infuriating enough to scream outloud, “Oh no you don’t, you will NOT be allowed to get away with that!”

And this is what it was:

For the first time since Ronald Reagan, our last great president, we, the people, see a chance that one of us might have a voice in governing our country.

Speaking of Reagan (Eureka College, Illinois), every chief executive we’ve had since the Gipper snapped his final salute as president has had the imprimatur of an Ivy League university. And we’ve gone from bad to worse:

* George Herbert Walker Bush: Yale.

* William Jefferson Clinton: Georgetown, Oxford, Yale Law.

* George W. Bush: Yale and Harvard Business School.

The first lacked the sense to finish the job in Desert Storm; the second lacked the guts to go after al Qaeda when it was just a startup – and the third, well, let’s just say he disappointed our low expectations.

Remember during the 2004 election how Kerry, an actual war hero, was portrayed as the out-of-touch elitist windsurfer who had brought shame on his country according to the lies of Swift Boat Veterans? While George W. Bush, who actually did have a shameful (and absent!) Vietnam record, campaigned as the brush-clearing every man who didn’t rightly cotton to none a’ that book learnin stuff? Remember how topsy turvey it all seemed? It was like bizarro world.

Well, welcome to Bizarro World 2.0. They are trying to spin it all in reverse.

The author of this piece of shit article is trying to put distance between Bush and the Republicans by claiming that George W. Bush was a bad president, at least in part, because he went…to Yale? Jesus Christ.

They can run away from him all they want (and they are! LOL), but everybody knows that Republicans LOVED!, ADORED!, WORSHIPPED THE VERY GROUND that George W. Bush walked on.

How many times after 911 did we have to hear mewling, simpering Republicans say on TV: “Thank GOD we have George W. Bush in the White House!” “Thank GOD for President George W. Bush!”


THAT was his chief selling point!

They wanted to have a BEER with him!

So excuse me if I find this claim of “low expectations” every bit as dubious as Sarah Palin’s legitimacy as a candidate. The guy who wrote this article most likely voted for Bush TWICE and he now has the shameless gall to look us in the eye and claim that he had low expectations about Bush? Disgusting.

You people championing this Neocon party doll from Alaska will not have another try at putting forth your cockamamie notion that common people are better leaders. Not without a fight. You will not be given another chance to have a leader who is “one of you“. I know you don’t like being reminded of this, but you currently HAVE a leader who is one of you and he is the biggest fucking disaster this country has ever seen.

And I know many of you afore-mentioned folk will be completely unaware of this, but intelligent people do this thing called “learning from their mistakes” – and George W. Bush has been a strong example of what happens when we lower our standards. We don’t want to repeat that mistake again.

So we are aiming higher than YOU this time around.

How elitist of us, n’est-ce pas?

We tried to warn you about George W. Bush – you didn’t listen. We tried to warn you about Iraq – you didn’t listen. And now we are warning you about John McCain and Sarah Palin – and a disturbing number of you are not listening.

I’m beginning to think slightly more than 1/4 of the Republican party actually hates this country and WANTS to see it come to ruin.


I’m a little late to chime in on this, but

13 September, 2008, Saturday

…if Sarah Palin gets to be VP because of Alaska’s geographic nearness to Russia,  then I, who visited Alaska for two weeks in 1991, should be chairing foreign policy committees. 

We have lost our fucking minds. 

There’s not been an official announcement yet, but I think it’s starkly evident:  John McCain – the man we all know and admired – is dead.    I don’t know who (or what) has entered his Earthly container and makes it walk and talk and pick running mates that make America look like a circus sideshow, but it certainly is NOT the same entity that had occupied it before.

And who killed him?    George W. Bush.    During the 2000 Republican primary.    

We were – no, think positive here – we ARE so close to the Republican brand suffocating to death under the oppressive, stifling weight of Jesus freaks.     They were dispirited, in disarray, wringing their hands and wondering how it all slipped away.     So close.   And then this McCain pod showed up and breathed new life into the monster.    

If there is a bigger, more advanced species or form that is watching us like a movie, they are at the point in the film where the bad guy is badly injured, perhaps missing a couple limbs (a flesh wound!) but still has one last trick to use against the good guys.     And the trick was Sarah Palin.     She’s the 8-headed hydra that will, no doubt, prove to be Hillary-like and get up every single time she is knocked down.  

But we can still kill the monster (the monster being The Republican party -not Palin).     We slayed the Hillary dragon, we can slay this one, too.     We must keep working, and we must not panic. 

Palin has captivated America – much like Obama did at the beginning of this year.   Remember when Obama supporters were denigrated for all their fawning and swooning over their messiah?    Well, now the stilleto is on the other foot, and the religious wackos are fainting (and speaking in tongues) in the aisles over their girl, but they aren’t doing it as sycophants, no – they are just excited is all!   It’s not at all the same thing – nothing AT ALL all like how the lefty loons behaved over Obama!     (…miserable fucking hypcrits…)

Regardless, we must ignore her.    Now, I know how hard that is.   With all her soap-opera drama and dirty laundry blowing all over the trailer part – it is very hard to look away.     But look away we must.    Let her do her thing, let her fail on her own.    

                          STOP GIVING HER POWER SHE HAS NOT EARNED.    

The more we “try to destroy her”, the more powerful she looks.  

And, true, I know there is little faith in the intelligence or savvy of average American voters.     We voted…well, for the sake of ancient arguments, let’s just say we voted for George W. Bush twice.     But really, this time, after 8 years of INARGUABLY DISASTROUS Republican rule, I just can not imagine a majority of Americans, in the privacy of the voting booth, under the harsh glare of lights at the gymnasium or community building, actually being able to vote for McCain with her as his running mate.

If they do, I will have to seriously reconsider my place in America and question whether I want to remain on the destructive path it is travelling.   But until that day, I am choosing to believe a huge majority of us will do the right thing and I am doing what I can to bring that belief into a reality. 

I have actually, for the first time in my pathetic little existence, put leg work into a political candidate.  I’ve done voter registration, and I’m knocking on doors.    I’ve never done any of that stuff before – and I know I’m not the only politically-inactive person who’s been sucked into the process by Barack Obama.  

So long as we keep focused and remain calm, I really believe we can still win this thing.    I have to believe it.  The alternative is just too terrifying to even consider. 

And if you’re terrified (and you fucking should be), please, go to www.barackobama.com and find the address to your local Obama campaign office and offer a couple hours of your time.


And on this, the Fourth of July

4 July, 2007, Wednesday

I’m reminded of something that happened a good 30 years ago. I was a kid, 8 or 9 years old, and I was in the living room with my mom as she was reading the paper. In it, there was some sort of contest or invitation to readers to write in (which required significant effort in those days) and describe what America meant to us.

My mom read the announcement aloud and I, sounding just like the young kid I was, immediately started listing the many things about America that I liked and concluded my list by saying something that I’d heard many times: “And we’ve got to fight to be free!”

My mother, although usually a very kind, encouraging woman, said, “We’re already free!” in a sharp tone of voice that made me feel embarrassed to have been caught talking about something I didn’t fully understand.

It’s a memory that’s haunted me ever since. Not in a way that requires me to sit on a therapist’s couch once a week, or anything. It’s just something that kinda drifts through my mind once in a while. As it did this morning on the drive home from work.

And having thought about it again, I now think I was right all along. It’s the “Oh, we’re already free” attitude that has gotten us into the mess we’re in now. We’re already free, so I can just sit back and watch my soaps, play my Wii, drink my beer.

One by one by one by one, by one, our bits of self rule, our little moments of not being bothered by anyone or anything, our ability to just wander where we want, do what we want are slowly being stripped away from us and replaced by one ridiculous rule after another.

I recently bought a new car and left my old one sitting in the driveway a little over a year, letting everything – plates, insurance, gasket seals – lapse. As is my right, as an American, to do.

But I had to leave the plate on the car as it slowly rusted because, well, that’s the law. The car was in my driveway, it was not being driven, and the land it was parked on is owned by me. But the law says all vehicles must have a license plate on them.

Fine. Totally ridiculous. But fine.

A friend told me he needed a car. I offered to sell my old car to him for next to nothing and picked up the phone to start making arrangements to have it towed to a shop to be checked over (my friend is a gay man who does not know anything about car engines because car engines have nothing to do with dance music).

The towing company says the plates have to be current before they will tow it.

Okay. Fine. It’s irritating, but fine, whatever.

I go to the Secretary of State (Michigan’s version of the DMV) and they inform me that they will not give me a new plate or tags until the car has insurance on it.

And now I’m pissed off enough to tell my friend that I’m withdrawing my offer.

The car was not worth very much to begin with. And it certainly wasn’t worth enough to spend a whole lot of energy and money to get rid of it. My friend understood and was able to find a less-troublesome vehicle to buy. And I donated mine to charity (an act for which my government will pat me on the head with a tax break – such a benevolent, kindly master).

And all that just to have it towed less than 1/4 of a mile to the mechanic on the corner.

A mere 20 years ago, it would not have been such a headache to sell a car privately. I shudder to think what it will be like 20 years from now. If we are even still allowed to sell vehicles privately amongst each other, that is.

Happy Fourth, everyone.

And fuck you, Mom.

(…oh for christ’s sake relax, it’s a joke – I adore my mother. Despite the beatings and mental abuse.)


Hey – Did You Guys Hear About That Shooting In Virginia?

3 May, 2007, Thursday

Every time I lurch off for a rest in Lazy Slacker Aw-Man-I-Hate-My-Fucking-Blog Slugland, all kinds of good shit happens.

There have been, at last official count, more words written about Don Imus and The Virginia Tragedy™ than the number of words that are currently in actual existence on the planet.

So, a quick summary:

Don Imus is a pussy (but still, evidently, a HUUUGE influence in the black community). He could have fought this on principle but he folded like a bad poker hand. Perhaps Ann Coulter could loan him a spare set of balls she’s not using.

The Rutgers Women’s basketball team are easily manipulated. Scarred for life? Really? For being called ugly? My god, what a collective of embarrassments. No wonder women’s sports get no respect.

My love affair with Barack Obama is officially over. His slippery comments in support of someone being fired over a stupid joke is a deal breaker. Thus, like a band-aid, he has been ripped out of my life. Sorry, Barack, I know this is deeply upsetting to you, but I am not a woman to be trifled with.

The Virginia Tech shooting, unfortunately for the victims and families, is a victim of Bush Calamity Fatigue. Not to suggest Bush had anything to do with it (although, really, who amongst us would be surprised if it turns out otherwise?), it’s just that under His Command, we have seen so much death and destruction that the next tragedy we’ll have any energy to sink our national teeth into will have to contain the words ‘Nuclear’, ‘Entire City Decimated’ or ‘President Jeb Bush’.

Sorry, Virginia Tech, but we’re just too exhausted to do a whole big drawn-out thing with you guys.

One thing is interesting, though. Has anyone else noticed that the more sensitive and compassionate we are forcing our fellow citizens to be (or, at least, pretend to be), the angrier and more violent our fellow citizens are becoming?

I’ll tell you, I hear one more person apologize for stating an opinion, I just might lose my shit myself.


Ah…hello again, people. It’s good to be back. And it will remain so until it’s not again. I hope you’re all doing well. The wife and kids alright? Good, good..


How Excited Was I? I Bought Two T-Shirts.

3 May, 2007, Thursday

American citizens who are fed up with the noxious stream of pandering bullshit that flows through the bleached teeth of campaigning politicans were dealt a major blow today when stand-up comic, Doug Stanhope, announced that he is withdrawing his bid to become the Libertarian presidential candidate in ’08.

From his website:

    The Federal Election Commission proved insurmountable in their spiderweb of legal fingerfucking. The idea that I could run an effective campaign rested on the fact that I tour constantly for a living and have a built-in audience and media wherever I go. FEC rules would not allow for me to campaign at paid gigs while also retaining a personal income from those shows.

    If I can’t recruit from my shows, I’m about as effective as standing on a milk crate in the city park.

    Even our crafty attempts at creating our own loopholes in the laws – like jailhouse attorneys trying to invent and employ makeshift last-minute defenses – still came up short in the face of the Federal Election Commision.

    The system is set up to keep the two-party monopoly as free from competition as possible. The penalties for fucking up with FEC rules make IRS penalties look like fetish spankings and I fuck up quite a bit.

    The other problem was simply in making the whole thing fun. The more rules, paperwork and bullshit we’d run into the less creative and funny it was becoming. The process started to feel like when we had to “clean it up” for the Man Show – and we all know how well that worked out.

Indeed we do.

Still, I am seriously fucking wrecked over this. The idea of Stanhope, a man who is brutally honest and as raw as a gaping wound, seriously entertaining a run for president was sheer beautiful lunacy.

It carried the promise of an entire YEAR of guaranteed hilarity and hijinks and it would have given the Libertarian party a bit of much-needed celebrity pizzazz.

Just think of the might-have-beens…

Ah well, onward and upward, fellow disaffected citizens! And one last one for the road on this sad day in America:


Poor Ann Coulter

26 March, 2007, Monday

It’s only been a few weeks since the lanky provocateur orchestrated her last scandal and already no one is paying any attention to her again!

Poor Ann. We all got over this one much too quickly.

She needs the headlines so desperately, but she’s painting herself into the corner. What else can you possibly say after calling a presidential candidate a faggot that stirs the public outrage? Very little.

Frankly, I only see one horrifying conclusion to the spectacle of this woman’s public existence: she will eventually have to show us her penis.

Whether it’ll be the sans panties limo exit (just imagine her balls glistening with sweat!), or an ill-timed erection that juts out and ruins the line of her pencil skirt, I don’t rightly know.

But mere words will no longer suffice. It’s got to be action. And when she gets that little itch that tells her it’s time for her next fix of attention-whoring, she’ll do it. One day. I know she’ll do it.

And until that magical day, here’s an oldie but a goodie from back when Ann could really make sparks fly. *Cue Barbra Streisand, Memories like the coooorners of my miiiind*